Over Thinking

I over think everything. Seriously, everything. I hate it so much. I do it with Cart all the time, and I just make myself upset for absolutely no reason. It's stupid. I think I'm just really afraid of getting hurt so this time around I'm looking for the very first sign of trouble. When I read this sometime in the future I want to remember how I feel so I'll write a note:

Dear future me,
I don't know when your reading this. Maybe your still dating, maybe not. But I don't wan't you to hate him. Ever. No matter what happens, keep him in your life. He actually really cares about you. Genuinely cares. I've forgotten what that feels like, its something you shouldn't ever forget but I guess that's what happens when you pick "friends" like me. So no matter what, keep him around, life is just better.
Also, your relationship has never been perfect. It never will be. But seeing what happened between Ashlyn & Grant, or Brett & Maddie, especially Karlyn & Elijah, it's something really good. He has a heart uncomparable to any of those guys and thats not something to waste. This relationship is just something really, really good. So cherish every moment of it you can. Laugh as much as you can, kiss often, I don't care. Just please stay happy. I couldn't stand feeling like that anymore.

One Of Those Nights

Do you ever have one of these nights? Where you just get all sad for seemingly no reason at all? I was just kinda thinking that Carters the only good thing in life lately. I feel like I should be just overwhelmingly happy, and sometimes I am, I guess, but all the other bad things in life are starting to overshadow his good. I mean life at home, well thats just been hell. I had a complete breakdown on sunday. I just really couldnt do it anymore and I honestly dont think I can handle them screaming at me one more time. I couldnt stop crying for hours and I jest kept mumbling "I cant do this anymore, I cant..." Yet my parents still had the odascity of nagging at me while I was like that. They wouldnt leave me alone. It made it even worse. And I guess I've just finally realized my friends don't give a shit about me. None of them do. I care about so many people, I really do yet it seems as if nobody else can seem to care about me. My friends dont realize how bad it's gotten. I'll never be able to forget all the things Liv said to me, Jessie's starting with the whole I-got-a-boy-so-now-imma-be-super-secretive thing, Maroos just going on with her drama as are all the rest of them. I guess it's the same as always I've just started looking at it in a new light. I'm starting to think I'm not okay. I'm just really not okay.

Track(:

So school suck so bad, I HATE my classes! My pltw teachers INSANE, he's just crazy!! And then I've been learning how to sew buttons for 2 weeks!

Well anyway, today was just super amazing! Track was super fun! We had an easy workout then I got to talk to Cart like the whole time(: He was suppose to leave but then he didnt want to ha!(: He finished his work out and then came and sat next to me. I was doing bands and Miller was making fun of me! Ha(: I can't remember what I said but it made Carter laugh really hard and he was like "Oh, Amanda..." Then Nick came over and asked me if I was going out to eat with them tomorrow, which the answer is yes!! I'm seriously so excited! ...But watch me like choke on food and die... Then he asked if Hailey could come which was funny cuz Cart said no! Lol then Myran came over and took a pic of them (its hilarious, I'll post it later) and asked them what both of theyre favorite foods were and they said potatos! Haha Carter dosnt like bacon!! So then we started talking about canadian bacon, and then Nick got violent and was beating him! Ahaha then Nick wanted to leave so we went to Carts locker and we saw Andy who was like "Hey Carter, guess who'll be in the highschool next year!" and Cart like pointed at me and andy was like "YEAH!" It was super random haha(: Then we radomly walked around for a while and talked to Shelby! It was fun! But then I needed to go to the middle school so they just gave me a ride, and I made him laugh really hard cuz I said something about wanting to be deathly ill instead of going to this gay ass retreat this weekend. I wasnt even kidding... This will be 2 days spent with bitches from hell and weirdos with a "wacky prom" , yeah I'm not fucking kidding... And I have to miss Kyles senoir prom for it!! Speaking of Kyle it was hilarious because earlier I was watching a movie called Coach Carter, which I didnt even think about! Ahaha but Kyle was giving me so much crap for it, it was hilarious but it was a really great movie! And now I'm extremely happy cuz Carter just told me he might kiss me tomorrow and I want that more than I've ever wanted anything else. We'll see what happens!(:

The Question

He asked me out, finally!(: I was at practice and we were just talking to Olivia, Christy and Thomas, and Carter goes "Hey, come out in the hall with me?" So I said sure of course and Thomas goes "Im bored so imma come with you guys!" haha it was hilarious cuz Carter was just like "Oh no... You stay here..." and then we went out in the hall and he goes "So, can I officially call you my girlfriend?" and I'm like "Yes!!" and it was funny cuz Savannah and her friend were right behind us! But she kinda new what was happening ahaha but then we just kinda talked more and before I had to warm up he says he wants a hug so I gave him one and loved every second of it... But then I got hit by a door... HA(: Everyone was freaking out and theyre all really happy for me! Im literally so happy, its just crazy. Hes perfect.

Track Meet Number Uno

Well the running was hell but I got to hang out with Cart all day so it was great. I love how comfertable I am around him. Its great(: So he wasnt running because of a previous hamstring injurie, but he was with me pretty much the whole time! When I ran the first 4X800 me and Jade had the worst hand off ever but we still got 2nd! Sierra beat me and my time was shit though. He and his entire family were cheering for me!(: And I literally could not breathe and my mouth had no moisture at all in it! But I got a hug from him so it was great! We then could not find anywhere to go cuz we kept getting in the way so we talked to Mariah for a while. We went to fill my water bottle and I saw Adam and I was like "Hey, hows your mom?!" cuz they day before he and Ben had been kidding that she died but I sounded totally rude if you didnt know bout the joke AND SHE WAS RIGHT THERE. Ahaha me and Cart practically died laughing but I felt so bad! Then we went to walk over the track and I didnt see this runner and he like put his arm around me!(: We then actually found a place to sit and we talked for a while bout just random stuff. Then there were some PI girls sitting behind us and I heard them talking about piano and I told him I really wanna hear him play! He turned all red ;P And then one of the girls said she new how to play Miserable at Best, and without even thinking about it I say "Im sorry, but that song is amazing!!" It was hilarious and he couldnt believe I said that ahah(: He also hates when people tan! Lol well then I had to go run again and I reaaally didnt want too but I made him give me a really long hug before I did, although he didnt want to stand up! Haha so I went and lined up it was all normal, until I completely fucked up the start and this chick was in my lane and I forgot about the 3 step thing! I was so embarrassed! But I actually ran pretty well, dropped 3 seconds AND PLACED IN SECOND!! It was really funny cuz Miller and David were cheering for me like idiots! Haha but then afterwards Carter met my parents which actually was a lot less weird than I thought it'd be! Overall it was just amazing!(:

Easter

So today was Easter, it was pretty normal. The Smith's came over, I got kinda bored. Ehhhh. But heres where it gets interesting, so I'm texting Cart and he goes "Addie had a great idea!(:" So I asked him what it was and he said it's that I should come over, so well, I did!!(: My mom was giving me shit bout him breaking my heart or something? Idk but then anyway I rang the doorbell haha he opened the door it was kinda weird at first, but then I said hi to his parents, god they're so cool! haha they really didn't say anything, just small talk! It was like it was totally normal for me to be there! then we pretty much just talked the whole time but it was amazing!! I made him laugh really hard, I love when that happens(: Addie was in there for a while, but at the end it was just us. He never asked me out! But tomorrow apparantly hes gonna! Im also officially in love with his dogs! Beau and Sophie! Theyre the cutest things ever! Beau kept licking my face, it was adorable! And he later told me at one point he was just staring at my lips! Carter, not the dog.... Ahaha I can just already tell this is gonna be so much better than last summer!(: Im so happy right now, he's just perfect! This is actually the first time I've ever been to a guy I like's house! Its was nerve wracking but amazing!(: