I Don't Wanna Grow Up

I don't wanna be old. I don't wanna grow up. I hate this. I hate this so much. Maybe I'm overthinking, but you know what? I don't think I am. I went to a grad party tonight. Stayed for a bonfire. It was fun, kinda. Except they're all idiots. Every single one of them. They talked about drugs, smoking, drinking, all of it right in front of me as if it's nothing. As if this is a totally acceptable thing to do. And you know what? ITS REALLY FUCKING NOT. It's not okay. My god, somebody help these kids. You know the worst part? The one person I never would have ever thought would do pot, apparantly does. I look up to her so much, god it sucks. They told me "Sluts arn't people.". I about punched somebody. They talked about this one girl, she's apparantly a "slut". GOD I HATE THAT WORD. What if she's just like me? What if she's just lost? Misunderstood? Alone? Scared? What if when she's with someone that's the only time she feels wanted? Not useless for once, maybe even good enough. Just for a little. It's not okay, but god, what I would do to feel like that for even just a few minutes. Fuck, they were chewing tobacco right in front of me. He kissed his fucking girlfriend with it, thats absolutely disgusting. I'd slap Carter for that. I don't want it near me. I'll admit it. It scares me, okay? It really fucking scares me. I don't know how Kyle made it 4 years dealing with this shit. I don't know if I'm that strong. Oh, I hope to god I am, but I just don't know. Can't people just drink a lot of mountain dew? Remember those days? I do. I miss them, oh god oh god I don't want to grow up. I don't wanna go to high school. I don't want to see my classmates get pregnant. I don't wanna see them get "fucked up", "smashed", "gone". I wanna live under my rock, stay sheltered. I want to be better than all this. I don't wanna grow up.